It is a year and one month since my Hero, my Dad, has passed and it has been a nightmare coping with his passing. They say that time heals all wounds...... well it hasn't for me, the pain and heartache only get worse.
I feel like this is a nightmare that I cannot wake up from. His passing was an unfortunate quick one and has taken a part of my heart and has made me feel so alone.
Every time I close my eyes all I see is my dad laying in a hospital bed suffering from a massive stroke that left him brain dead, that is the last time I saw my dad, helpless and in pain. The tears just rolled out my eyes because I wanted to take his pain away and I knew I couldn't.
I look back at all the great memories we shared but that doesn't seem to take the heartache
away. I had a conversation with my dad before he had a stroke. As I walked into his hospital room I saw my dad laying there. I looked at his eyes and he had a blank stare.
He seemed to look lost and confused. He was suffering from dementia. I said
" Hi Dad do you know who I am?" He said "of course its Jill". I had a huge smile on my face. We started talking and had a great conversation.
It was pretty awesome. We laughed, we cried and then suddenly he said " I would like for all of the family to come and see me, especially Jill" (I am his baby girl) my body felt so paralyzed and I was speechless and started crying again. I said " Dad I am Jill, I'm right here. I didn't forget about you. I will never forget about you".
Well that was the last time I saw my dad awake. He had a massive stroke that left him brain dead and passed away within a few days. I can't stop seeing the images of our conversation and him sleeping and not waking up.
I still cry everyday wishing he was still here. It's difficult losing a parent. I will never forget him and will always think of him and keep him in my heart forever. I love you Dad! R.I.P
