Wednesday, July 19, 2017

5 years later... what an adventure!!

                   Five years ago my daughter was diagnosed with classic autism. My world went into a downward spiral. I had so many emotions and worries. All I could think about was, "what is her life going to be like?"
                   I had no clue on what autism was and how I was going to help her. I felt helpless. If it weren't for her amazing doctors and my perseverance to not let it destroy me (because after all it wasnt about me, it was about her) I don't think I would of been able to help her.
                   I had my suspicions and began to research. I took her to the doctor and expressed my concerns. I called early intervention before she was diagnosed.  Waiting on the appointment for the developmentalist I knew what to suspect.
                 The day of her appointment I was a bundle of nerves. I knew what to expect, but really wasn't ready to hear it. I spoke with the doctor for almost an hour and half and then finally... here came the diagnosis. He told me my girl had classic autism.
                  Although I knew in my gut what the diagnosis was when I heard it out loud I was so hurt. It's a very different feeling when you suspect something compared to actually hearing it. I cried and cried. I couldn't understand what was happening.
                 I had already started our journey. I just needed to stay strong and continue it.. for my daughter.  Once I got the diagnosis I was able to change the early intervention services to A.B.A therapy. It was going to be very intense, but all worth it.
                 I look back at when we started our journey to where we are now and I wouldn't change it for the world. My little girl is now 7 years old and going to second grade. She is still in the autism program, one teacher, two aides, and six students. It is an amazing program! She is doing very well in school.
                  She is on her reading level!! She is an excellent reader, she just has trouble comprehending the context of some stories, but that's okay.  She knows the basic concepts of math but struggles with new concepts. Everyone has struggles with new concepts.
                   She is very social and interacts with all kids now. She has no problem expressing how she feels. Her appetite has improved a lot!! She eats non stop! Lol.
                   Overall I am happy with her progress. She is an amazing little girl and has shown me her ability to shine! She is a fighter and she doesn't give up.  

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

My grief

Dad, although it has been two years since you went away,
The pain is so real, it feels like yesterday.

The pain in my heart will always remain,
It's something I will never be able to tame.

My life feels so empty and I feel so lost,
Losing you was such a great cost.

You were the greatest dad, I am so thankful for you,
No one will ever fill your shoes.

I wish I could tell you, that I am fine,
But the truth is, I am lost in time.

I want you to know that you were my best friend,
My love for you will never end.

I wish I could hug you and never let go,
Thank you dad for helping me grow.

There was so much left to say,
I wish you could have you stayed.

I want you to know I love and miss you so very much. Until we meet again....

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Inside my world of Autism.

         It has been a while since I last wrote a blog. A lot has changed since the last blog. My daughter is doing great, so far. She has become very social. She is reading, and expressing herself more than ever.
          With that comes a lot of frustration for her. She wants things done a certain way and cannot reason with any other way. If you live with Autism you can understand that.
          We went to the doctor and was referred to getting an Applied Behavior Analysis therapist to help her and me. I become so frustrated when I cannot help her.
           We have come a long way but there is still a long road ahead. All of the sleepless nights, therapies, hard work and dedication has shown in a big way.
          With the New Year approaching my resolution is to continue to help my daughter succeed and shine like she is meant to.
            It has been a rough year, a year without my dad. I am still grieving his loss. Christmas is the worse without him. I still hurt but my daughter helps me get through the day.
          One look at her beautiful smile and it makes all the pain go away. She is so happy and has no worries. I can learn from her. I hope 2017 is great for all of us!! I wish everyone a Happy Healthy New Year!!

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Devotion and Perseverance

           Summer is almost over and school is approaching. We have had a great summer vacation and we are looking forward to school. My little girl is going into first grade (I can't beleive it). She is doing amazing!! She loves school.
            She loves doing work and seeing her friends and teachers. This year she is going to a different school (it might be a little challenging, it will be a new atmosphere).
            She will remain in the Autism program with six children, the teacher, and two teacher aides. The children are from her old class which is good.
              My son is going into tenth grade and my middle daughter is going into sixth grade. My, how they are growing up too fast. I will be working in the same school as my little girl and will be across the hall from her.
            I am excited to get back to work and meet my students!! I will be in the third and fourth grade autism class. My little girl has done such an amazing job. She has come a long way.
            All of the hard work, dedication, appointments, advocacy,  and most importantly the love, has paid off!! I just wanna say to all of the autism families keep your head high and never lose hope.
           It's an amazing journey and there's a greater reward at the end. Your child showing the world their capabilities and making their mark in the world. It's all thanks to YOU, the parents!

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Time Never Heals

            It is a year and one month since my Hero, my Dad, has passed and it has been a nightmare coping with his passing. They say that time heals all wounds...... well it hasn't for me, the pain and heartache only get worse.
            I feel like this is a nightmare that I cannot wake up from. His passing was an unfortunate quick one and has taken a part of my heart and has made me feel so alone.
           Every time I close my eyes all I see is my dad laying in a hospital bed suffering from a massive stroke that left him brain dead, that is the last time I saw my dad, helpless and in pain. The tears just rolled out my eyes because I wanted to take his pain away and I knew I couldn't.
          I look back at all the great memories we shared but that doesn't seem to take the heartache
away. I had a conversation with my dad before he had a stroke. As I walked into his hospital room I saw my dad laying there. I looked at his eyes and he had a blank stare.
           He seemed to look lost and confused. He was suffering from dementia. I said
" Hi Dad do you know who I am?" He said "of course its Jill". I had a huge smile on my face. We started talking and had a great conversation.
            It was pretty awesome. We laughed, we cried and then suddenly he said " I would like for all of the family to come and see me, especially Jill" (I am his baby girl) my body felt so paralyzed and I was speechless and started crying again. I said " Dad I am Jill, I'm right here. I didn't forget about you. I will never forget about you".
          Well that was the last time I saw my dad awake. He had a massive stroke that left him brain dead and passed away within a few days.  I can't stop seeing the images of our conversation and him sleeping and not waking up.
          I still cry everyday wishing he was still here. It's difficult losing a parent. I will never forget him and will always think of him and keep him in my heart forever. I love you Dad! R.I.P

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

My Blessing

                    It's been a while since my last post. I've been very busy with the kids and just life itself. My little girl is doing amazing in school! She loves school and likes seeing her friends.
                   She is excited that Christmas is almost here and wants a lot of gifts. She is getting homework in Kindergarten  (that's crazy right?) But she enjoys it. She is writing very well doing math homework.
                   She loves to read books and write ( she writes on everything in the house lol). She also has science in school which she loves because it brings out her curiosity.
                  She asks a million questions like but why mommy and what's that mean. She is a true blessing. I am glad she is my blessing.

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Never Underestimate What Autism Can Become....

             It has been a while since I have posted a blog about my daughters journey. I have been experiencing a lot of emotions and an unfortunate loss. This year hasn't been so great because I lost the one person in my life that means so much to me... my dad. It has been a roller-coaster of emotions but I'm trying to get through it.
             I have to stay strong for my children. My daughter is going into kindergarten this September and I am so excited for her. She has come a long long way. She is talking completely and expressing herself so well. I can actually have a full conversation with her.
             It's great and I love it. She will still remain in a self contained autism program. There is still a long road ahead but we will get there when it's the right time. You can't push your kids learning because you want them to be where they are suppose to be.
             Autism takes time and it's worth the wait. My daughter has become more social and expresses her emotions very well. She plays very nice with others. She plays Dr. And says she is Dr. Kate. Lol.
            She cares about everyone's feelings and is always trying to cheer them up. I love my daughter. I wouldn't change anything and I would do it all over again. Sometimes in life things happen and it hits you really bad but I've learned that you have to continue on.
              Never forget what has happened but look back and remember the memories and the good times. My children are what is helping me get through the loss of my dad.  I know my dad is watching over us and smiling down and saying great job my little girl! Well I learned from the best!
               My middle child is going into 5th grade and my son is starting high school. Time goes by fast. The kids grow up too fast. Life goes by too fast that's why you have to deal with the bad to enjoy the good. I hope you enjoy reading my post.